Turtle Dances

On friday my hilarious thought of the day was turtle dances. Here's the situation: I was driving Cierra home from school down Brewington. When I got the curve where the pond with the waterwheel is on the left, there was a turtle in the road. SO per my usual routine, I stopped the car and got out to "rescue it". Well I found out the turtle was much larger than I expected when I reached down and realized the width of its shell was wider than my hands side by side and longer than Randy's boot. But I'm no wimp so I started to pick it up anyway and it weighed about 15lbs (3 bags of sugar). Still I can handle it. Yeah right, about 5 inches off the ground it decided it didn't want to be helped. ( I figure it was afraid of flying) The thing quickly turned its head and snapped at my hand. Okay at this point my dignity went kaput and I squealed, yes I squealed and of course dropped the turtle.
So new approach, walk around in front of the turtle and "shoo" it off of the road. I tried to use my foot to move it, it snapped ( whoever said turtles were slow, never tried to 'help' one in a bad mood) and hissed. I never knew turtles could hiss. I tried 'shooing' it again, and almost lost a leg. (Ok maybe that's an exaggeration but I do believe that was the turtle's goal). Then my last attempt (this sounds so stupid in retrospective) I tried stomping on the ground to scare it the other direction. No luck. Also at this point the turtle was so sick of me it used its' own tactics and started to chase me. Yes, chase me. That is also when I noticed its' very long claws. Being the somewhat intelligent human being I surrendered while yelling 'Demon Turtle', climbed in the van and watched it return to the exact same spot I found it in. I could hear its' thoughts as I drove away "Stupid human, this is MY spot". Everyone in the line of cars that built up behind the van wnet home with at least a smile and a story to share.